Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product."

That warning is the first place winner of the 2004 Wacky Warning Label Contest. The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a group whose goal is to show that the fear of frivolous lawsuits has led to a loss of corporate common sense, sponsors the annual contest for the wackiest warning labels.

"Wacky warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times," Robert B. Dorigo Jones, president of the nonprofit Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch group, said in the news release announcing the contest winners. "It used to be that if someone spilled coffee in their lap, they simply called themselves clumsy. Today, too many people are calling themselves an attorney."

Second place: On a snow sled: "Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."

Third place: On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact discs: "Do not use as a ladder."

Fourth place: A 5-inch fishing lure with three nasty steel hooks advises it is "Harmful if swallowed." Too bad fish can’t read!

Previous winners in the "Wacky Warning Label Contest" are presented here for your amusement and amazement:

* A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions, "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."

* A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user: "Remove child before folding."

* A bottle of prescription sleeping pills says, "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

* A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan actually warns: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."

* A CD player carries this unusual warning: "Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."

* An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter cautions, "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks."

* A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use "while sleeping or unconscious."

* A container of underarm deodorant says, "Caution: Do not spray in eyes."

* A cartridge for a laser printer warns, "Do not eat toner."

* A household iron warns users: "Never iron clothes while they are being worn."

* A label with a hair dryer reads, "Never use hair dryer while sleeping."

* A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: "Not intended for highway use."

* A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, "Do not drive with sunshield in place."

* A bathroom heater says: "This product is not to be used in bathrooms."

* A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: "May irritate eyes."

* A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."

* A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: "Caution: Risk of Fire."

* A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity."

* "Do not use snow blower on the roof."

* "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher."
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I’m about to order a 2008 Mustang, and I want to see if it’s possible to get any wheels besides the 17" or 18" painted, machine-cast, or polished aluminum wheels. Would it be possible to get 20" polished aluminum or black (any size) if ordered from the factory, or would I have to swap after the car has been delivered?

I Have a siphon pump and insert it in my car but it doesnt seem to suck anything out… It seems to be stuck somewhere not letting the hose get all the way to the bottom..Is there a way to get past this? If So How??
Is there such thing as a "Siphon Screen" To Stop the hose from getting all the way down??

Here are the Details:

» 12" subwoofer with dual 4-ohm voice coils
» pulp/fiber cone reinforced with Kevlar and a layer of Rohacell® plastic film
» Santoprene rubber surround
» cast aluminum frame
» power range: 500-1,000 watts RMS (500 watts per coil)
» peak power handling: 3,000 watts
» frequency response: 24-200 Hz
» sensitivity: 84 dB
» top-mount depth: 8-11/16"
» sealed box volume: 0.65-1.25 cubic feet
» ported box volume: 1.0-2.0 cubic feet
» Recommended Q-Logic Box Type: 1, 2, 3

Sometimes when I have a fire in my upstairs fireplace the smoke gets downstairs. You can’t see the smoke, but it’s enough to lightly burn your eyes. In the upstairs it’s a traditional fireplace, downstairs there’s a insert with a blower. On the roof I had a 2′ extension fabricated from Stainless hoping that this would help this problem (I had this same problem last winter.) I have had the upstairs fire lit 4 times this year, and everything was fine until yesterday. Any suggestions?
The 2 fireplaces are both ceramic square tube approx 12" x 12" and are parallel to each other.
The fireplace in the basement has an insert with a blower. The blower is designed to blow the heat from the fireplace into our basement.

I am currently burning a mixture of wood pellets and corn. I have an American Heritage stove made by U.S. Stove. I installed a fresh air intake and a 3" x 4′ vertical exhaust.

I have been trying to make a decent pumpkin pie since before Thanksgiving and have yet to succeed. I start out with a 9" Ritz frozen pie shell and let that thraw to room temp. For my last attempt, I bought a 1 pound 13 oz. can of Libby’s Pumpkin pie filler–the one where you add the spices and a can of Carnation evaporated milk. I mixed all the ingredients well by hand in a large bowl. The mixture did not appear to be too thin, nor too thick. I poured the pumpkin mix in the pie shell and following the can’s directions, I first baked the pie at 425 degrees for 15 mins, then at 350 degrees for 50+mins. I had put the pie directly on the wire rack in my gas oven. When a knife inserted in the middle FINALLY came out clean after almost an hour at 350 degrees, I carefully removed the pie and let it completely cool on a wire rack. Again, when I went to cut it, the crust was hard, the filling was borderline mush, and it stuck BIG TIME to the bottom of the pan. What am I doing wrong?
I ran out of room up above to include the fact that I did add sugar and the 2 beaten eggs per pie as directed. I did not prick the pie crust with a fork prior to baking and did not pre-bake the pie crust. Are either of these factors important variables?
Another thought: Should I have beaten the pie mixture with an electric hand-mixer or maybe added a packet of gelatin? I want the texture to be firm and more like that of a store-bought pie. But store-bought pies are usually over-spiced or under-spiced for our taste buds.

i want to add a more elaborate wooden mantel to my brick, gas fireplace. it is vented to the outside. i also want to install a tile border around fire box and then install the wood mantel around the tile. i havej just a simple mantle across the top at present. i want to up date and add vertal side pieces to it. i have 6 3/4" on each side to work with and 15 1/4" between bottom of mantle and firebox. where can i find this info.?

I am putting a 4" aluminum liner into my chimney flue that I am going to use to vent a pellet stove. My chimney has 4 different flues and a cap that covers the whole chimney. Do I need to wrap insulation around liner or is it ok without insulation?

Forcing you to shut all windows on that side of the house unless you wanted to inhale the smoke in your home and peeling paint from your house from the tanic acid of the smoke that made you have to touchup paint every year?

This stove is not exhausted to a chimney. Rather it is exhausted into a 6" pipe out the back side of their cement cellar, fumes pushed towards my house.

I run an air purifier and if I have it on and it sucks in that smoke from outside to push out clean air in my house, it cakes up and eventually puts out the smoky air….looks like ash on top. I just threw out the home made filter and I have to clean the fan in side too and the vent. The ash is so fine it makes it through a hepa filter and makes even finer particles move into the air that made it by that micron filter and makes us sick in this house if I don’t clean it thoroughly and change the filter. I try not to leave windows on that side of the house open when they are running that stove.